Advice For Healing Your Heart After Miscarriage
Miscarriage. The word you never want to say, much less hear. You never think it will happen to you, and then one day out of nowhere it does. At least that’s how it was for me. After having three kids in a row, it was completely unexpected.
Talking about my miscarriage and sharing my story has been difficult. It is so personal and I feel embarrassed to talk about it and I don’t know why. But even though I feel this way, I feel even stronger to share my story. To share how God has been with me every step of the way through this and to help others. If my story can help just one person, then it is worth it.
Unfortunately, you never know when someone you know might go through something like this and my hope is that my story will have helpful information and provide more understanding. (I’ve listed some advice/resources at the bottom of this post)
Maybe you, yourself, might go through this one day, maybe you already have or are even going through this right now. If so, I am so, so sorry for your loss. You are not alone.
Advice For Healing Your Heart After Miscarriage:
I do not know where you’re at in your relationship with God, but I pray that if you have gone through a miscarriage, that it will not drive you away from God but rather draw you closer to Him like it has for me. If you continuously go to Him, you will learn His truth, His love, His closeness, His goodness, and His promises; and diving into all of that will help you through this tragedy.
At first, all I wanted to do was lay under my covers in bed and be all alone so I could bawl my eyes out.
If this is where you are finding yourself, I promise, it will get easier. The pain will never go away, but it will lessen as time goes on. There is not a single day that I do not think about my baby. But, every time I think about him, I am choosing to thank God for getting me through those hard days. To thank Him for my baby, for my amazing family, and my wonderful Church family. I could not have gotten through this without God showing up for me in the moments I was ready to quit. His promise of Heaven through Jesus Christ is what I cling to. The promise of one day seeing and meeting my son in Heaven. Without this truth, I would have nothing at all to get me through.
After a miscarriage, it is so easy to blame yourself. I definitely did.
The more people told me that it wasn’t my fault, the more I blamed God. I felt like the blame had to land somewhere. How could my baby be taken away from me and it be no one’s fault? I am here to tell you to please not go the rest of your life holding onto these feelings deep inside. Most of us will never really know ‘why’ our baby was taken away from us so we have to choose to trust God and rely on His strength in order to heal and continue on in life.
I constantly found myself asking God “why?” The answer that I received was not the answer I wanted but it was what I needed to hear. Constantly asking “why” will not change the past. It will not bring your baby back. You can talk about and remember your baby, but don’t stay stuck there. The question you should be asking is “what”. This has happened to you, now what are you going to do with it? How can this tragic story bring honor to God? For me, it was sharing my story and sharing all that I have learned along the way. I have grown so much closer in my relationship with the Lord through this. I have grown in a way that would’ve never have been possible without this happening.
If you are struggling right now, reach out for help.
Share your story. Do not allow Satan to fill your head with lies about yourself and about God. You are cherished. You are so very loved by God and He wants to have an ever-growing relationship with you.
I had to constantly pursue God daily in my Bible and in Christian Worship songs to discover for myself why I could trust Him and His plans. To remind myself that HE IS GOOD even when my circumstances were not. My relationship with God grew deeper during and after my miscarriage because I would pour my heart out to Him, pray, and just be with Him during my heartache and ugly cries.
I encourage you to pursue God, even if you do not feel like doing it. Stop the negative thought cycle. Train yourself to thank God for all the blessings in your life instead of only dwelling on the hard situations.
One final word I want to leave you with is a powerful one that I am still learning myself: EMBRACE.
Instead of simply enduring, embrace your situation and who you have become during it all. Now this will look differently for everyone. For me, I am embracing that our baby is our son. He is in Heaven, and I will hold him again and not have to let go. That my youngest daughter is a big sister. I am sharing my story and not pretending that it didn’t happen. Breaking the silence. There are other women out there that will need to hear this and know that they are not alone.
When I am asked how many kids I have, I share my story, when I am asked if I am done having kids, I share my story. If you feel led to share with others also, do not be afraid, be bold in these situations. You never know who will be impacted, who you might help along the way. You honor your baby by sharing them with others, they are remembered by keeping your story alive. This is the story God has given you. This is who you are now. Embrace it.
Infant Loss Advice/Resources:
I keep a separate journal by my bed that I write to and about my baby. It has helped me a lot. When I am having a hard day or something happens that has God written all over it, I write it down. Document it so that you never forget, but don’t dwell on it either.
Broken Hallelujah || More Than Anything || No Matter What || Come As You Are || Give Me Faith || I’ll Find You || Nearness || I Can Only Imagine || He Knows || Find You On My Knees || Remind Me || Good News || Never Once || Never Let You Down || Steady My Heart|| You Are